Acceptance and Blessings

So it has been a while. Things have definitely been busy and crazy, but despite the hardships, I feel blessed.

I’ve met the most amazing and caring person. Not to mention incredibly sexy. (He says no, but I disagree. Though when he says the same to me, I say no as well.)  He’s helped me by just being who he is. He knows who he is and is comfortable with who he has become. He accepts me for who I am, this includes my past. He embraces it, stating it has created me into who I am now, and that is who he loves.

Knowing this, and feeling this love and acceptance, I’ve been able to heal. It’s more of a total healing. I’ve been able to accept myself.  I know, who would have thought this would happen. I never did, but it’s amazing. I really am healing. I am finding my true self, and accepting who I am. When I say accepting, I mean it not in a “Oh that’s just who I am type of way, and it won’t change”, no not that, I’m realizing who I am, what makes me, and embracing it.

That’s right. Embracing who I am and what makes me who I am.

I’m also learning to trust. After everything I have gone through, I’m learning trust, something I thought was gone and would never come back. I won’t lie and say it is easy, because it’s not. Not a chance in the world of that being easy. It’s a constant battle. It’s so engrained into me to be negative and to feel that nothing will work out, but I’m learning to trust. My boyfriend is the best thing to happen to me and helping me with trust. I’m experiencing reasons to trust, and then having these feelings reinforced. I’m not going to say I have this down, and I know what I’m doing. I need reminders. I need help.  But here’s the point, I’m learning and building. I have a reason to trust. Everyone else in my life has shown me that trust is something that cannot be had, now, I know differently.

Kind of nice isn’t it?

Oh… I’ve changed a bit.  There are some pink chunks to my hair, and I now have my symbol on my wrists. My sparrows are with  me where I can see them always. My strength. They’re there whenever I need a reminder. I’m here, and I’m standing stronger. Little by little.

 

A little pink...

A little pink…

My strength, my reminders, my symbols.

My strength, my reminders, my symbols.

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What Makes It?

Juliet said it best,

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Honestly, if we change the name of a bully, does it really change what they do, or who they are?  Yes, Juliet was talking about her love for Romeo and how they’re names didn’t mean anything but it is their love for one another, not the hatred of their feuding families. But my point is this, people, teachers, employers, and others in authority, make excuses for those that bully others.

They say that they’re just teasing, or they are showing their love for you (Hello, how does hitting someone, or calling them names mean you love them?), or their just kids being kids. Forcing people to do something they are scared of, or repeatedly telling them how they’re not worth anything, or how they’ll never amount to anything, one of my favorites, that no matter how hard they try, they’ll never succeed at anything. Sometimes it’s actually physical, and not just verbal assaults.  Slap on the head every day they see you, trying, or succeeding in tripping you or knocking you down.  Perhaps it’s a little of everything combined. Or, maybe it’s spreading lies about you, or not lies, but telling everyone your faults, or things about you that you did not want others knowing. These things are not done in part of being friends, or showing their love for you. Who in their right mind would want that kind of love shown to them? I know I don’t appreciate it.

Things like that happen every day, and yet people think it’s ok. This is what bothers me. While growing up, and still today, I am/was bullied. While some was at home by a sibling (yes my parents will verify that it really happened) and despite their intervention, it continued, and still does today. There are ways around, and times when parents are not always around. At school, it’s easy to become the target of the red rubber ball in dodgeball, or any other sporting event.  I eventually learned to hold my own in sports and have a pretty good aim now. (Still have that red rubber ball in the trunk of my car, as you’ll never know when you have the urge to play.) If it wasn’t being that target, it was the target of ridicule, teasing, “hazing”like treatment.  Of course when the one person went too far with one too many people, they learned otherwise what “gang mentality” is all about. But the school authorities, did they do anything? No, not really.  When I went to school bullying seemed to be an acceptable school past time, so they would let things pass, even if they witnessed this. (OK, half the time, I think that they were afraid of the kids themselves.)

At work it happens to. The managers that only talk to you if they want to complain about how you work, or telling you how wrong everything you do is.  Cutting your shifts because they want to give it to others who are a favorite (Not just my observation though either. This was made by multiple people.)  Picking on things that have no significance.  One other that I’ve noticed, you’re told how you never help out, but you’re the person who is always picking up shifts, or staying over because they’re short on people.  If you tell them no that you can’t help out, they give you a look, walk away, and the next week you’re missing shifts. Gotta love it.

Ok, I’m far from where I started.  See what you did? You got me all distracted and on a rant. Tsk Tsk people.

Anyways, what I was saying, is that I’ve noticed that people, especially if they’re trying to say they’re not a bully, of putting it into different words. They’re teasing, joking around, and put it on you as if you cannot take a joke. But here is a thing, if you tell someone to please stop, that you do not appreciate it, and yet it continues, it’s bullying. If you feel you can get what you want by putting others down, stepping on others, you’re a bully. If you’re spreading lies, rumors, or even the faults of others (gossiping), guess what? It’s bullying.  Whether you want to say it’s joking around, or teasing, kids being kids, or toughing up, it’s not. It’s bullying. And it’s not fun or caring or loving. Stop it.

Bullying- Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, physical, and verbal. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation.

Grow up people. Take a stand and become educated. Stop Bullying.