I know.

I know.

So thoughts hit me today. Not huge ones, but a few little ones. I know, I know, me thinking, it’s a miracle, and for them to be not so depressive, even more of one. Sometimes, it happens.

So I went to the movies yesterday. I was being sociable. (I know another shocker.) It was some kids and some other people around my age. I noticed that I was able to have a conversation that went on all night, even giggling at parts in the movie,  or commenting on parts we liked (Hello, DB5 ❤ ).  I mean actual long conversations with out any awkward parts. I am capable of this. Of course, to those that were not involved and only catching parts would have been lost. We went from discussing Star Wars, to Tolkien, then the different James Bonds that we liked and didn’t like, to Princess Bride, and then MMOS. Unless you knew and could keep up, it probably sounded odd. Ok, I am odd and a geek, but it’s me. The point is, that I had a normal conversation with two guys. And it was ok.

I also noticed, that I was able to have these conversations with the JERK hanging around. Yes, unfortunately he was there, and was not making things easy. Why you ask? That I’m not really sure, but maybe he was jealous, or maybe that’s just his nature. I was being kind (for as cynical as I view the world, I was taught to be nice and include others, also I have being excluded, so it goes against my nature to do the same) and tried to include him in our conversations.  I asked him about star wars and if he liked the movies. Big mistake. He put the movies down and then said he didn’t need them because he lived through a war. Ok, yes, we all get it, you’re originally from a war torn country, but enough already, not all conversations need to be around you. In fact, stop it. It’s like all children are taught, if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. The nice thing, one of my friends put him down, and into his place. I’ve never seen anyone do that before. It was nice.

One other thing I noticed, I could enjoy myself a little, and not feel bad about it. I was able to interact with people. I was able to try and be nice to the JERK, and I was able to feel good.  I was trying to be normal. Ok, not normal normal, but Lindsay normal. That’s a bit thing. I haven’t been me normal in the longest time. I want to be that again. I really do. I know it’s a work in progress, heck, I AM a work in progress. I’ll never be done, but I’m getting there. Well getting to a point where I might be happy with myself. A rare feat, but one I’m aiming for. A miracle I tell you. A miracle!