Alles, Alles auch so ein frei! (or Ollie Ollie oxen free)

I’m trying something to do. I’m trying my hand at being the old me. The me I was before. The one I’m missing. That person. Can I be her? Do I still have it in me? Maybe not, but I can try, at least for a day. Pretend nothing happened (yes, I know you shouldn’t but I don’t have it in me to remember today. I’m tired, I don’t feel great and my voice is nonexistent at the moment, so just go with it.)

So how am I trying to get back to being the old me? I’m at least dressing the part. Ok, the part that I miss. I don’t feel great so my usual clothes are my over-sized sweatpants (hello, they’re the most comfortable things in the world, besides the super fuzzy soft robe I have) and I found my CLASH t shirt. It’s my favorite. It was given by an ex that I’ve come to terms with and still think fondly of. It’s the best t-shirt though. It’s in Japanese. So it’s not a typical Clash shirt. Says The Clash, has a skull and cross bones on it, and then says something in Japanese, which I assume is probably the tour there at some point, but doesn’t bother me. It’s my most well worn shirt, has the faded black wanna be grey look, the fuzzies of being worn and washed often, but that soft feel. I don’t know why, but I feel powerful in that shirt. It’s my ME shirt. Something about it screams “This is who I am, deal with it.”

Not mine, but I found a pic through google. Mine is much more worn.

Not mine, but I found a pic through Google. Mine is much more worn.

 

I want that person back. Come out, come out, where ever you are.

I’m hoping that with the new therapy/counseling, that I will be able to become me again. Yes, I am me now, but I mean the other me. The me that was a bit more carefree, slightly manic and wacky, could give a flying frak if people said something to bring her down, tune out the world and be so focused and lost in projects that sleeping became a bit forgotten. She was a person that laughed a lot more, took more joy, had a happier outlook on life. Didn’t depend on her sidekick as to how she would be. Just let the sidekick tag along with threats of pain if they became too loud. That’s who I’m looking for.

Maybe the shirt will rub off on me and she will make an appearance for a little bit at least.

Advertisements

23 thoughts on “Alles, Alles auch so ein frei! (or Ollie Ollie oxen free)

  1. Wow, this really resonates with me. I have a lot of nostalgia for ‘past self’s.’ “She was a person that laughed a lot more, took more joy, had a happier outlook on life.” – I totally get that!

  2. Ever the awkward one – I’d say that since you can’t go back, trying to regress is a losing battle. You will never be the old you again. However, you can be something new – you can leave habits behind, move forward from stagnant thoughts, – the past has gone but the future is yet unwritten šŸ™‚

    • Cannot help the awkward. I was born in awkward. Far left or is it right, of center than others. I think it’s more of a quest, mission to find the type if person, the inner calm and happiness, and freedom, that I felt before.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s