Up your’s Mr Murphy!

Curse you Mr. Murphy and Fate! Curse you! I shake my fist in your faces. How dare you treat me this way?

In what way are they treating you? Cursing me more like. I was sick last week to the point of ignoring my computer (GASP! Yes, I was that sick.) and just stayed in my little hole. Now as I’m feeling better, poor me, who is starting a new job tomorrow, nervous as can be, starts to get a sore throat and coughing. Curse you evil forces that are tap dancing upon me as I speak. Don’t you know I want to be a big girl and have a new big girl job and you’re making it harder for me to want to wake up early!

I hate waking up early. I do not sleep well at all. It’s either racing thoughts keeping me up, or nightmares, or sometimes, my body just does not want to sleep. So here I am, not feeling well, have to get up early, and my body says “NO”! Where’s my cough syrup? I’m waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down.

One more spoon of cough syrup now.

When I get better, you best watch out evil, because the force shall retaliate, and you will not like it. Your force choke is coming!

8 are better than 2

I wish I was an octopus. I really do. It’s something that I just decided. In fact it so happened that I was thinking this aloud and announced it to the entire living room, which just happened to be the animals. No humans, but at least someone knows. There is a but in this though, and no, not that thing that connects my torso to my legs, but as in there is an exception, which would be that I want to be a Steampunk Octopus. They’re just sexy and suave in their own fascinating way.

Honestly, I just love steampunk, but the octopus call to me. Add a top hat along with a monocle,  and it gets me all excited. Yes I squeal like a girl. I think they look sexy. Then again, that’s just me.

A benefit of being an octopus? Imagine with the attention span of one like myself trying to accomplish a multitude of tasks at once, and being able to! I might finally accomplish something and not just continually keep jumping from subject to subject, project to project. I could talk to you, as well as sketch, wash the dishes, cook, (though those two usually get done at the same time anyways), brush the dogs, and whatever else my little squirrel attention span mind can come up with.

And don’t give me those looks. You know you’ve wanted to be an animal before too. Admit it! If it’s not a dog or a dinosaur (you know the usual ones), you go the way I do and pick the unique!

Another bout of randomness has take over my body, or did it alas not even leave? Could be the case. I’m not quite sure yet, but I shall see, or not. Yes it’s more ramblings, but it’s happening as I think, cannot be helped one iota.

So why do I think it’s still within my body? I was rereading some banter between a friend and myself, and apparently I ended the conversation with “Alas my boredom drove me further towards the other end of insanity. Thus at this time I do bid thee nite til we meet on the morrow.” I kid thee not, tis what I wrote. And despite waking up with a splitting migraine ( still here by the way but oh I’ve found non medicinal healing strength through this lovely thing called alcohol. Thins the blood and takes away pressure. No I’m not sharing with you.) and yet the sarcasm and drama has continued.

I did discover a few words that are now part of my repertoire along with debauchery. Well one phrase and one word, but they both fit with the theme. Ill repute, as in, he’s been living a life of debauchery while whoring it up in the houses of ill repute. That’s a fun word and can be used in conjecture with so many other fun words. The next word is macabre. It’s so fitting with my zombie mood as well. So everything can be ghastly and macabre. When this apocalypse comes, I’ll be ready with my gun and pen. Tis all I need!

Conjuction Junction, what’s your function? Yes, that’s what else I’ve been singing as well. Who didn’t like SchoolHouse Rocks? Now don’t hate the player, hate the game.

Who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll be a bit more sane and can actually carry on more of a discussion than just ramblings of what is going on and popping into my head. I’m rather BING search again today. Knee High to a grasshopper. That phrase makes me laugh. I just heard it on tv and it made me giggle.

Can you Handle This?

Well apparently life with me is never quite dull. I might think it is, but my actions to those around me are far from it. I feel rather bored today. Actually more than rather, I am bored, I’m like a corpse, ghastly white, glazed look in my eyes, and twitching (ok, so an almost dead corpse… A ZOMBIE! Now I made myself seem cool.)

Anyways, this boredom leads to rather unusual things. I’ve mentioned that my mind is like the BING Search commercials before right? If I haven’t it is, it gets hooked onto a word or phrase and runs with it. Then I also get a word that becomes stuck into my brain and just has to insert itself into every conversation. Lately it is DEBAUCHERY. Such a fun word to say with a more awesome meaning. Takes me back to the Victorian area. Which leads me to steampunk. Oh steampunk, how I love thee and want to live with thee every day! Anyways, try mixing those two things together. I happened to see an old western show on tv today, The Virginian.  Automatically  I start singing the Davy Crockett song, but he just happened to become king of the wild frontier who lived a life of debauchery boozing and whoring it up. Yes, those are the words I used. I thought it fit, while those in the room just stared at me. I shrugged and continued to kill people in Guild Wars 2.

What else happens when I’m bored? I am always twitching, which I’m pretty sure was mentioned before. My leg is a twitch twitch twitching it up. If I try to stop it, the other one starts. If I stop that, then my toon in game starts randomly running and jumping. Which of course is leading me to make up songs. Somehow that lead me to singing the chorus to Behind These Hazel Eyes. Mainly because I was singing the line “Here I am, once again, torn into pieces.” It went really well with myself jumping off of things and starting to attack other players.

So in the midst of all of this writing, I had to take the dogs out. The neighbor happened to be taking their dog out as well, and says hi to the one but not the other. I said he was racist since he didn’t say hi to the black dog and walked away. Also, as I came in was staring at the birds, and started whistling, and they were paying a lot of attention to it. An idea popped into my head, and a rather good one too. Was surprised I hadn’t thought of it yet. I shall teach them to whistle the Emperors March from Star Wars. So I start whistling it, and low and behold, they’re bobbing their heads to it. Dully noted, will continue to convert them to the dark side in trade for their “crack” of honey feeding sticks of seeds.

Anyways, this is how my mind works even when bored. I’m just all over the board, but I haven’t started into debauchery yet, though it’s coming I’m sure. There are bottles of run and whisky staring at me daring me to have some.  I don’t think you’re ready for this thirst, I don’t think you’re ready for this thirst, I don’t think you’re ready for this thirst quencher, cuz my thirst is so redunk a dunk.

Happy Thoughts

So I’ve been on a cleaning binge. Yes, a binge, because I cannot make myself stop. So I’m cleaning and organizing everything right now, which happens to include files on the laptop, desktop, and tablet, and yes, I feel as if I need them all, so back off before I bite you. Bite is worse than my bark I warn you. This cleaning has been brought out by, well I’m not sure, but there have been Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes over the past few days. Yes, changes. As of yesterday morning, I was hired for a full time, big girl job with benefits. A little stress that is removed, but not much yet (yes I can be a pessimist, but when things don’t usually go well for me, I tend to be glass is completely full of AIR! not water.). I’m also trying to chase someone out of my life, OK, OK, not chase, but try and block out this negative person. It’s going to take a lot, but it’s a start. So perhaps, I’m just trying to make my surroundings look like what I want my insides be.

Anyways, back to the cleaning. When I was cleaning up files on my computers,  I found some of my happy thought pictures. I wanted to share them with everyone, if you wanted to look, if not, best stop reading here and go somewhere else.

First up is my favorite random geek attack I saw the other day. It’s from a tattoo parlor near one of my jobs. I was walking past, glanced over, kept walking, then walked backwards and proceeded to drool. How could I not as you will too: SWwINDOWSWwINDOW2

You see, I couldn’t help but have a smile on my face for a while. An entire Star Wars scene set out for me, to make me smile. Of course, I opened the door to the shop, and yelled that they rocked, thanks, and then kept going back to work.

Next were a pair of shoes. Yes another geekgasm was happening with these ones. I absolutely love Harley Quinn, so much that I’ve been making a cosplayHarley of SteamPunk Harley for the next comic con. Anyways, these shoes were on Etsy and I decided I will have to have these.

Who wouldn’t want to have them. Would be great for work too.

The last one is just one that makes me go Aw! It always brings a smile to my face. It’s my two little guys, the dog and the chinchilla. They remind me that it doesn’t matter how different we all are, that we can get along. This is normal for them. They are inseparable from each other. It’s awesome to watch them together. I wish all could be like this, but at least there is hope for our species. friendship

A one way ticket out of my life

Can’t you just go somewhere on vacation?
I could book your flight
And pack your bags
If you want
A one way ticket out of my life
Watching you fly away
I never liked you
I never wanted you
I never liked you
I never wanted you, whoa

Simple Plan – Vacation

I think is so appropriate for the last post I wrote. And yesterday had me saying it and singing it very loudly. Why, you ask? Because the.. well I have thought of a good name for him, but I will probably by the end of this post. Anywho, he decided to try and talk to me last night. Decided he needed “help” and my automatic response ( I’ve been practicing it over and over again) was no. And the texts suddenly stopped. Just like that. I didn’t get anything that said hi, just “I don’t feel good, I need your help” was how it started. It felt good to have him just stop talking.  It felt good to just say “No”.

After ranting about him the other day, I sat thinking about how I feel when he treats me this way. I feel used, disposable, worthless, and extremely unloved and unwanted. It makes it hard to look in the mirror. How can I look at myself when I know all I’ll see is a shell of someone. I’m not filled in. Just need to bust out the markers and do some coloring and shading. It’s going to be a project. But you have to start somewhere. So I sat there for awhile telling myself that he doesn’t love me, he is not a friend, I don’t feel good when he treats me the way he does. I don’t like being degraded at any moment because I will not jump at his bidding.

It’s a start. Not much, but a start. It’s better to feel alone, than to feel the way he makes me feel. If this is how people treat friends, then I’ll pass. I am better off on my own then. I would like to have others in my life, but not at the expense of constantly feeling unwanted, unloved, worthless, and disposable. I do not think anyone wants to feel that way. I’m not completely sane in my thinkings, but if someone does like feeling like that, I have the numbers of some good therapists and psychiatrists.

My thinking tells me that it is hard to give up on someone completely. Perhaps that is why I keep trying to keep a door open to that friendship, but maybe it’s time to finally close the door, lock it, place the key on the table, and drink the bottle that says “Drink Me.” See what adventure it takes me on. Who knows, maybe it will color some of me in. Maybe I’ll fill in some of the outline.

 

I’ve got 99 problems, but being yours is just not one.

I’ve got 99 problems, but being your whipping post (so to speak) is just not one of them.

That’s right, he’s again trying to turn me into his whipping post. I told him I’m done with him. I’m tired of being his friend, and yet if anything goes wrong, I’m the one he attacks. It’s my fault for everything. I have to have this conversation every other week almost. This is just someone that does not listen. How does it not get through his head? I broke up with him because of the way he treated me, and told me that I was asking to be raped, that I had it coming. He felt no sympathy for that at all, in fact, he blamed me for it.

After that, we were being friends (trying to), and if anything went wrong in his life, it became my fault, or it was taken out on me. If I didn’t want to hang out, he would refuse to speak to me for periods of time. Then I would get the guilt trip from him, I don’t care, he doesn’t have many friends in this country, no one understands him, and my favorite that he used the most, I’m not being a good friend. I could only take so much of this anymore, and told him I prefer to not be friends.

Want to know something funny? We also work together. Told you that you would laugh over that one. Go on, get it out. Ok, are you back under control now? I hope so. Thus from us having to work together, we still talk, and for the longest time, he has been friendly, not pulling any of his old stunts at all. Or so I thought. Lately, it has all started again. If I cannot talk to him when he wants to, I get the cold shoulder.  He’s not driving at the moment, so he is constantly asking me for a ride, and if I cannot give him one, I hear how horrible of a friend I am, and then nothing for the longest time.

Today I had visitors and work. He asked me to meet to talk, and I told him I will try, but I cannot promise because I do not know how the day is going to go. When he asked why I didn’t stop by to see him, I told him I didn’t know if I would be able to. So he told me he knew, and then stopped talking, again. I think I will not start talking. I try this how many times though, and he gives me the same lines. Yes, I feel bad, but I need to toughen up. As I said, I have my 99 problems. I don’t want them, but everyone has their own. But I refuse to add him to my problems. I refuse to be his whipping post, the person he takes out all his frustrations and anger out on.

I grace you with my cold shoulder
Whenever I look at you you wish you were dead
I shower you with words made of knives
Whenever I look at you you wish you were dead

Yes yes, I took liberties there. But it fits so much better now.

You hear that? I have 99 problems, but you being a twat ain’t one.