ARGH!! (And not like the Pirates)

That’s right, I’m yelling and screaming. I’m hitting a really rough time at the moment, and the stress and anxiety are mounting. Chaos will be ensuing. And I do mean Chaos. Or just Randomness! Ok, I lied, it seems like I might cry to. I feel a tantrum coming on, and I don’t know why!

Yes, I’ve kind of seen this building over the past few days. Why? That part I am not completely sure why, but I do have things going on in my life. I cannot recall if I mentioned before, I quit my main source of income. Why? Panic attacks and flashbacks. I was in the same environment as of when the “event” happened. So there goes my income, thus the job interviews, 2 part time jobs that are bringing in next to nothing. Oh, plus they call me off a lot. Good times I tell you. So, I have no income really, job interviews that I never hear back from, bills not being paid with creditors wanting money. Oh what a world, what a world.

So here are my anxiety signs. Oh these are fun let me tell you. I’m more sarcastic, as in sarcasm is dripping and oozing from my lips. No one is safe around me. And I’m dramatic. Ok, overly dramatic. Alright, more so than usual. I mean it. Poor puppies got it taken out on them. In the middle of a walk today, the one decided she didn’t want to go home, so tried lagging behind and sitting on the road. I was irritated, threw her leash away from me, and said “Begone foul beast, I cannot stand thee.” Well after that, she trotted up to me and stayed with me. And just now she didn’t want to come in, and it seems Olde English works. “Come Hither thee foul Beast.” Who knew. Anyways…

Ok, so besides the sarcasm and the drama, I cannot sit still. Something is always twitching on me. Legs, arms, arse. It’s all twitchable. If you make one stop, the next one starts. No matter how hard I try. It even goes when I’m trying to sleep. My legs are just twi, twi, twitching up.  Speaking of sleep. Lord have mercy. I’m not sleeping. You know what it was like the other day for me. I didn’t sleep well, or much. It’s been that way the past few nights. Worse than normal actually. I’m use to the sleep being an issue, but now it’s either I’m so tired all day long and am ready to pass out, or I’m unable to sleep at all. Nightmares I tell you. Lots. But that’s for another time.  Another thing is right now, I’m on the verge of screaming and crying. No reason at all. It’s just there. I’m sitting here trying to play Guild Wars 2, and ready to cry because I’m so out of it. I’m afraid it will start and not stop.

Please! Stop the insanity. The stress. The anxiety. Make it stop! Fate! What did I ever do to you for you to have me bent over like this! Kiss it already and get it over with. I need to make something of this messy soup you put me in. And it’s not even a good soup. Could have at least put me in a yummy one.




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