Butterflies

A friend told me today that I am like a butterfly. When I asked what was meant by that, I was told that it is my approach to life (or games). I go about in what looks like a chaotic approach to everything, but when you watch and focus, you notice that there is a pattern, a purpose.

I know that I do flit about randomly, or haphazardly, in things that I do, or the way I go about things.  I cannot help it. It’s just how I am.  My mind jumps around and it sees the logical way to proceed, even if you don’t.  It knows what I want, not you. So I go about things my way. My way makes things more interesting, but it’s formed from my experiences, and my thoughts from what I’ve been through. Guess what? It works. Not what you tell me, sure you can give advice, but if it goes against everything I know or feel, yeah I”ll be honest, I’m not going to listen. Got that? Ok, good.

Thinking on that though, I wish I had those wings when I was younger, to get away from things, but I have them now. I wanted them to get out of my dark hole and to find the sun. Each and every moment of my life in that dark rabbit hole (well the 1st set of them) was finding myself falling further and further away from the light and the sun, and further into that darkness, being swallowed by it. That’s when I needed my wings the most, to pull myself out of that.  To take me away from the hurt, pain, the emptiness, the sorrow. Instead, I had to fight and climb my way to the top, into the light. It was from that, the fighting and climbing, that I realized I had my wings all along, just didn’t know how to use them.

3 Doors Down had it right,

I’m over this
I’m tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling’s gone
There’s nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know

I don’t want to live in that world, in that darkness, but I did. I didn’t have the knowledge, or the strength to work my wings. I needed to learn how to do that, how to stretch them out and pull myself up out of this darkness that takes over. Amazing, what I wanted and needed the most, I had all of the time, but I didn’t know how to use it. I guess going through the evils in the world, into the darkest places around, and drown in sorrows and pain to learn how to use what was always there.

 

It’s down to this
I’ve got to make this life make sense
Can anyone tell what I’ve done
I miss the life
I miss the colours of the world
Can anyone tell where I am

‘Cause now again I’ve found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I’m so far down, away from the sun again
Away from the sun again

I’m over this
I’m tired of living in the dark
Can anyone see me down here
The feeling’s gone
There’s nothing left to lift me up
Back into the world I know

And now again I’ve found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I’m so far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I’m so far down, away from the sun again

It’s down to this
I’ve got to make this life make sense
And now I can’t tell what I’ve done

And now again I’ve found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me

‘Cause now again I’ve found myself
So far down, away from the sun
That shines into the darkest place
I’m so far down, away from the sun
That shines to light the way for me
To find my way back into the arms
That care about the ones like me
I’m so far down, away from the sun again

Oh no…
Yeah…
I’m gone…

 

3 Doors Down – Away From the Sun.

 

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