Such a taboo subject. You’re not suppose to talk about anger, and you’re not suppose to show or react to it. Then how are we to deal with it? What is it that I’m actually feeling?
It’s such an interesting subject to me. Something that I never really gave thought about until I attended a class yesterday at my new counseling place. Anger. It’s something that as a child you’re taught to not show. You’re not allowed to be angry. If someone shows you anger, you’re not allowed to respond back. But, then, what happens when I do get this feeling inside of me that is ready to burst out? What exactly is it? Where did it come from? I’m not suppose to be feeling this, yet I have this weird feeling that if I don’t get this out, I’ll explode into a massive eruption of who knows what.
For some it seems that it’s easy to recognize and express. For me, it’s not. I don’t even realize I’m angry or upset about anything until I cannot do anything but erupt. We talked about this at the session yesterday. I’ve disassociated myself and cut myself off from my feelings and emotions, that I know longer recognize them until something is spurting out of me, and I’m left without the ability to control it. I do not even notice that there are warning signs in my body to indicate that I’m going from one state to the other. It just happens. And no, these things do not just happen, but to me it seems that way.
But why does our society today make something that everyone feels, so taboo to express or even acknowledge? Why? That’s what I want to know. Well also how to even notice and recognize my own feelings, but that’s a whole other issue in and of itself. Seriously, is there anyone that knows?