So it has been a while. Things have definitely been busy and crazy, but despite the hardships, I feel blessed.
I’ve met the most amazing and caring person. Not to mention incredibly sexy. (He says no, but I disagree. Though when he says the same to me, I say no as well.) He’s helped me by just being who he is. He knows who he is and is comfortable with who he has become. He accepts me for who I am, this includes my past. He embraces it, stating it has created me into who I am now, and that is who he loves.
Knowing this, and feeling this love and acceptance, I’ve been able to heal. It’s more of a total healing. I’ve been able to accept myself. I know, who would have thought this would happen. I never did, but it’s amazing. I really am healing. I am finding my true self, and accepting who I am. When I say accepting, I mean it not in a “Oh that’s just who I am type of way, and it won’t change”, no not that, I’m realizing who I am, what makes me, and embracing it.
That’s right. Embracing who I am and what makes me who I am.
I’m also learning to trust. After everything I have gone through, I’m learning trust, something I thought was gone and would never come back. I won’t lie and say it is easy, because it’s not. Not a chance in the world of that being easy. It’s a constant battle. It’s so engrained into me to be negative and to feel that nothing will work out, but I’m learning to trust. My boyfriend is the best thing to happen to me and helping me with trust. I’m experiencing reasons to trust, and then having these feelings reinforced. I’m not going to say I have this down, and I know what I’m doing. I need reminders. I need help. But here’s the point, I’m learning and building. I have a reason to trust. Everyone else in my life has shown me that trust is something that cannot be had, now, I know differently.
Kind of nice isn’t it?
Oh… I’ve changed a bit. There are some pink chunks to my hair, and I now have my symbol on my wrists. My sparrows are with me where I can see them always. My strength. They’re there whenever I need a reminder. I’m here, and I’m standing stronger. Little by little.