Alles, Alles auch so ein frei! (or Ollie Ollie oxen free)
I’m trying something to do. I’m trying my hand at being the old me. The me I was before. The one I’m missing. That person. Can I be her? Do I still have it in me? Maybe not, but I can try, at least for a day. Pretend nothing happened (yes, I know you shouldn’t but I don’t have it in me to remember today. I’m tired, I don’t feel great and my voice is nonexistent at the moment, so just go with it.)
So how am I trying to get back to being the old me? I’m at least dressing the part. Ok, the part that I miss. I don’t feel great so my usual clothes are my over-sized sweatpants (hello, they’re the most comfortable things in the world, besides the super fuzzy soft robe I have) and I found my CLASH t shirt. It’s my favorite. It was given by an ex that I’ve come to terms with and still think fondly of. It’s the best t-shirt though. It’s in Japanese. So it’s not a typical Clash shirt. Says The Clash, has a skull and cross bones on it, and then says something in Japanese, which I assume is probably the tour there at some point, but doesn’t bother me. It’s my most well worn shirt, has the faded black wanna be grey look, the fuzzies of being worn and washed often, but that soft feel. I don’t know why, but I feel powerful in that shirt. It’s my ME shirt. Something about it screams “This is who I am, deal with it.”
Not mine, but I found a pic through Google. Mine is much more worn.
I want that person back. Come out, come out, where ever you are.
I’m hoping that with the new therapy/counseling, that I will be able to become me again. Yes, I am me now, but I mean the other me. The me that was a bit more carefree, slightly manic and wacky, could give a flying frak if people said something to bring her down, tune out the world and be so focused and lost in projects that sleeping became a bit forgotten. She was a person that laughed a lot more, took more joy, had a happier outlook on life. Didn’t depend on her sidekick as to how she would be. Just let the sidekick tag along with threats of pain if they became too loud. That’s who I’m looking for.
Maybe the shirt will rub off on me and she will make an appearance for a little bit at least.
I hope you find her. That shirt is really cool.
Thank you! It’s my favorite. More so than my Ramones shirt, and the Transformer ones that I have.
I hope to find her soon. We will see.
Wow, this really resonates with me. I have a lot of nostalgia for ‘past self’s.’ “She was a person that laughed a lot more, took more joy, had a happier outlook on life.” – I totally get that!
I hope you find yours.
Ever the awkward one – I’d say that since you can’t go back, trying to regress is a losing battle. You will never be the old you again. However, you can be something new – you can leave habits behind, move forward from stagnant thoughts, – the past has gone but the future is yet unwritten
Cannot help the awkward. I was born in awkward. Far left or is it right, of center than others. I think it’s more of a quest, mission to find the type if person, the inner calm and happiness, and freedom, that I felt before.
Maybe you can’t be that exact same person, but you can be like that person. A person who is much more experienced and wiser. You can do it!
Thats what I want. I’ve gone through an education process, seen what I know I need to avoid, but still want to be that person, but a wiser version. If that makes sense.
Yes, it does.
I agree with Daddy…..you can’t always go back, but you can revive the parts you want to have back. I just went through a similar journey after my divorce.
Aw. Thanks
I”m hoping to move on, but to keep the me I liked. Before the “Event” and the few jerks, not including the JERK, I liked that girl.
She’s still in there. I can say that from experience. I thought the me I liked was gone as well, but she’s back and better than ever!
I washed my favorite shirt yesterday and am wearing it again. I purposely went out in public on a Saturday ( yes I know, big shocker as I hate crowds) and was actually strutting around in it. Went to my favorite tea store, and carried on conversation with the girls working there. It was a step.
Even small steps are part of the journey!
And I discovered some awesome flavored green teas! But it was a start. I planned on one store. Had my headphones if I needed to tune people out. But wanted to do it.
Good….I hate crowds too and generally prefer the hermit style…which is ironic because I love people, just not in large doses.
lol. I’m the opposite. I don’t like people. And I’ll tell them that too. But that’s social anxiety for you. I plan ahead anymore and prepare myself. It works.
This is how I put my journey into words.
http://polysyllabicprofundities.com/2013/01/09/im-not-afraid-to-walk-away-and-collect-the-pieces-i-left-behind/
Identity crises suck.
I hope you find what you’re loking for soon. Alice.
Thank you. Its a work in progress, one that is going slowly, but it’s going.
Love the t-shirt!
Thanks!