So, a few weeks ago it snowed. It wasn’t much, but it was enough too make me giddy and smile. Whilst running to work, I stopped to take apics to capture the moment.
So cruising around on my facebook today, I saw the below picture:
and it really got me thinking. Real vs Fake. Most of the comments that I saw, were saying how they loved the “fake” version, the painting. Myself, I was automatically drawn to the photograph that the painting was modeled from. That is what is real.
And this leads me to a new line of thought. Are people always drawn to what they want to see instead of what is real?
Is this created from the media, envy, or what?
What do you think? Real, or fake? Why?
I choose real because to me, the beauty is in what we behold and know is truth, not what we are directed to think is “perfect”.
I’ve decided that since my life has been changing, I don’t need to put out hard hitting posts about depression. That’s not who I am. I just want to make sure I’m posting. I want to share what is going on in my days. If it’s that I just danced through the grocery store, then I’ll post it. Or perhaps I took photos on my walk to work of the first snow fall. Or maybe I’m entering a costume contest at the Comic Con. I want to write about those things.
Ok, so some of you may get a double dose as there may be some facebook repeats, but that’s ok. I’m writing, and it’s what I want to do. Things will be different, but that’s good. Change is good, and being different, well that is what is truly me.
Enjoy and embrace, because this is me!
My Promise to You
We may pass through storms
But you say: “Don’t you worry my dear,
there’s nowhere else I want to be
than keeping you near.
Hand in hand, let’s take this step.
This first one, speaks the most
as we start over anew,
letting the past become a ghost.
Let me be your strength,
teaching you how to believe.
Giving you hope to hold onto,
showing you that I’ll never leave.
Let’s make the past fade away
and stop being afraid.
I will never let you fall,
always there to give you aid.
I’ll never want you to be different
I love you for who you are
You make me feel better
Just for being my star.”
For my boyfriend, with all that he’s shown me.
So whilst I was M.I.A., I kept doing the photography. I had some amazing days for it too. I wanted to add a few of my favorites that I took.
So, in the middle of everything that I was going through, one of my friends was having a bad day, and for all that she has been doing for me, and making me smile, I couldn’t let it go and had to make her smile as well. Brittany and I love sending silly pictures and text back and forth and just encouraging each other, so when she was having a bad day, I couldn’t help but try to cheer her up. PS. you should also check out her blog!
Through this journey
Passing amongst despair
Don’t give up, don’t give in
I’ll teach you how to not be scared
I won’t leave you, you’re not alone
This is where you belong
And in a while this shall pass,
You’ll see that you’ve become strong.
We both know what it’s like,
being who we don’t want to be
But I’ve made it this far,
and am guiding you to me.
I’ll put you back together,
broke piece by shattered piece
Making you smile and live
Until those memories cease.
Yes it is short, but half of it was written in a moment over text…
So it has been a while. Things have definitely been busy and crazy, but despite the hardships, I feel blessed.
I’ve met the most amazing and caring person. Not to mention incredibly sexy. (He says no, but I disagree. Though when he says the same to me, I say no as well.) He’s helped me by just being who he is. He knows who he is and is comfortable with who he has become. He accepts me for who I am, this includes my past. He embraces it, stating it has created me into who I am now, and that is who he loves.
Knowing this, and feeling this love and acceptance, I’ve been able to heal. It’s more of a total healing. I’ve been able to accept myself. I know, who would have thought this would happen. I never did, but it’s amazing. I really am healing. I am finding my true self, and accepting who I am. When I say accepting, I mean it not in a “Oh that’s just who I am type of way, and it won’t change”, no not that, I’m realizing who I am, what makes me, and embracing it.
That’s right. Embracing who I am and what makes me who I am.
I’m also learning to trust. After everything I have gone through, I’m learning trust, something I thought was gone and would never come back. I won’t lie and say it is easy, because it’s not. Not a chance in the world of that being easy. It’s a constant battle. It’s so engrained into me to be negative and to feel that nothing will work out, but I’m learning to trust. My boyfriend is the best thing to happen to me and helping me with trust. I’m experiencing reasons to trust, and then having these feelings reinforced. I’m not going to say I have this down, and I know what I’m doing. I need reminders. I need help. But here’s the point, I’m learning and building. I have a reason to trust. Everyone else in my life has shown me that trust is something that cannot be had, now, I know differently.
Kind of nice isn’t it?
Oh… I’ve changed a bit. There are some pink chunks to my hair, and I now have my symbol on my wrists. My sparrows are with me where I can see them always. My strength. They’re there whenever I need a reminder. I’m here, and I’m standing stronger. Little by little.
I’m alive, but writing is going to be slow for a while. I have become homeless as of recently, and am staying with some friends. Thank God I met these people. They’re a gift to me. I swear. I do not know how to repay them. Except for cooking. Come on, guys… food. No brainer, but I love to cook, and it makes me feel like I’m contributing.
I’ve been looking at some apartments, and have some more to see this week. I’m hoping to have a new home soon. I cannot keep crashing with these two when I care about them, and feel as if I’m invading their land. Of course movies, video games, and just randomness every night is a lot of fun.
People are placed before you for reasons you don’t know of. I found one of the reasons they were placed before me, and I am forever thankful.
So don’t worry guys, if you were. I’m alive, just slightly harder to reach. It’s hard to type on a phone, and much easier to jot off emails on the phone than posts. I have so much to catch up on, so forgive me if I haven’t responded. I’ll be getting to them, just will take a bit.
I was uploading a new batch of photos I took. I thought I’d share some of them. I’m headed out tomorrow to take a lot more. I’m making it goal to participate next year in the Art Festival here. I have exactly one year to put work together. So I’m trying to make it a goal to go out once a week with camera and see what I can find. Which means you’ll have more artwork to look at! Enjoy lovies.
A bit of honesty and my past. Another duet with twindaddy.
Originally posted on Stuphblog:
[Editor's Note: Please welcome back NotQuiteAlice. Alice has a very dark, and very personal, story to share with us today. I hope that you all will show her the very same support you've shown me, which has been phenomenal. Thank you, Alice, for sharing your story. It's very courageous of you to do so in such a public forum.]
Sometimes things happen in your life that completely change it, and not for the better. As some may know, I’ve had some things happen that have left me broken and scarred. This poem is about one of those days. This poem is about my feelings from the night I was raped. It’s something meaningful, and oh so deep and painful to me, but it’s me and my feelings on a sensitive subject. Something I’ve been trying to get out for a while now. Read, or don’t read, but I needed to do this for me. Of course I had some help with this one. Twindaddy, who has been writing poetic duets with me.